In the Rear End of the Most Scandalous Chess Lawsuit

By Dylan Wiener

What warrants a $100 million dollar lawsuit against some of the most influential chess groups and figures of the 21st century? Allegedly, anal beads.

In recent times, nineteen-year-old grandmaster Hans Moke “chess speaks for itself” Niemann has gained much notoriety amongst the Chess community. His potential cheating scandal against five-time World Chess Champion Sven Magnus Øen Carlsen in an over-the-board game raised the eyebrows of chess players worldwide. Many have accused Niemann of disrespecting the sport, believing he had won his game against the “King of Chess” through unjust tactics.

Hans Niemann/Instagram

With the help of modern technology, there are plenty of ways for one to cheat in a game of Chess. In online games, players can simply use chess engines such as Stockfish or Houdini, programmed to analyze each piece’s positions. It’s a lot easier to identify a cheater online, as these accounts are typically new, play the best moves, have high accuracy, and are on an unbreakable win streak.

In real life, there are a few more intricacies. 

To cheat over the board requires more subtle and elaborate execution. Some strategies include conspiracy between spectators or other players, watches that record gameplay, or bathroom breaks. Even vibrating devices that can be hidden up one’s sleeve, shoe, or even inserted anally, which is specifically what the internet is accusing Niemann of.

On September 4th, at this year’s annual Sinquefield Cup, Magnus, and Hans were invited and faced off against one another in the tournament’s third round.

Niemann, playing with black pieces, prevailed as the victor. In the post-game interview, Hans spoke in reference to Magnus’ opening to Alejandro Ramirez.  “I didn’t guess it”. Said Hans. “but by some miracle, I had checked this today […] It was like such a ridiculous miracle, that I don’t even know why I checked it. I just remembered ‘h6’ and everything after this.” Before infamously declaring, “It must be embarrassing for the World Champion to lose to me. I feel bad for him!” 

Photo: Magnus Carlsen and Hans Niemann face off at the Sinquefield Cup/Grand Chess Tour

In the same interview, Hans addressed his past misconduct in his online games while in his youth, confirming he had the assistance of a chess engine once when he was 12 years old in a tournament, and another instance when he was 16 years old, claiming he would cheat during “random games”. Niemann told  Ramirez. “Never when I was streaming did I cheat.” Hans had previously been banned from the Chess.com site, but his suspension was later revoked after promising he would never cheat again.

Niemann’s interview generated conversations concerning his scandal amongst Chess players, notably Grandmaster Hikaru Nakamarua on his YouTube and Twitch channels. Later, Carlsen and Niemann faced off again on the 19th of September at the Julius Baer Generation Cup. After an exchange of three total moves, two from Niemann with the white pieces and a single from Carlsen, Carlsen resigned. 

After his withdrawal, Magnus tweeted a comment attached with an enigmatic video of José Mourinho in which he says “If I speak, I am in big trouble.” Magnus later released an expansion on his video on September 26, believing that “Niemann has cheated more – and more recently – than he has publicly admitted.” and that he is unwilling to play chess against Niemann, writing “I don’t want to play against people who have cheated repeatedly in the past, because I don’t know what they are capable of doing in the future.”

Chess.com also released an official report of their own titled “The Hans Niemann Report”, their investigation finding that “Hans likely cheated online much more than his public statements suggest.” and “likely cheated in more than 100 online chess games, including several prize money events.”

Plaintiff Hans Moke Niemann is now suing for defamation on his name against defendants Magnus Carlsen, Play Magnus Group, Hikaru Nakamura, and Chess.com for $100 million. The 44-page document defends Niemann’s character and his $100 million entitlement, listing his shining achievements to justify his win against Carlsen.

Niemann’s lawyers insist “Hans is a winner on and off the board. We are confident his greatest victories are yet to come.”