By Rafael Bihis
“You’re 16 Already, Learn to be an Adult”
“You’re no longer a kid”
“Grow Up”
Listen, you’ve probably heard of one of these quotes before. Trust me, I have to. Ranging from distant relatives whom I’ve met once or twice, to even parents or older siblings, I’ve constantly heard such remarks being made about my character, which, when comfortable, can act somewhat youthful and bright.
I remember hearing them for the first time and thinking, “pfft, whatever, old man”. It used to come in one ear and out the other. However, as I see the deadlines pile on ManageBac, as I walk by the library filled with more computers than fantasy novels, and as I see my old diaries buried below the mountain of textbooks and notes. I think, “Maybe, this is it, maybe I really need to…grow up”.
Personally, and for many others, this idea causes us to long for what we once had as we try to avoid the responsibilities that plague us. The academic pressure, the need to start planning for the future seriously, continues unabated without a “happily ever after” in sight. It creates a painful feeling of nostalgia that seeps into our hearts and just won’t let go.
We miss the days of going to friends’ birthday parties on weekends. We miss the days when we’d rush home to play the new Minecraft update. We miss the days when we’d be sung lullabies or told stories before we went to sleep with a kiss on our foreheads. We miss when life was easy.
No exams.
No relationship drama.
No “cringe” material.
Eventually, most of us think that the only way out is to brute force the work and stop thinking about the past, thinking that working tirelessly to become a brand-new version of yourself is what “growing up” means. I mean, for me, seeing all the rich yet serious, deadbeat relatives ingrained that mindset into me. Which, eventually, burned us out. Like a deep black hole within our hearts was formed, sucking out every piece of our human identity: the laughter, the happiness, the simplicity, until all that remains is our physical body. Okay, maybe that was exaggerated, but sometimes, it really does feel like that.
Listen, the truth is; life just does that, it’s a constant force throwing you everything its got, and as you get older, it just gets more reckless. However, even though there’s no way to avoid this seemingly impending doom, you must fight back, and the one way to do that is to understand this one principle:
It isn’t about “Letting go” but rather, “Holding on”.
You probably still have a hobby that you did in your childhood, a friend from that playground you used to visit every day, and most importantly, the memories and experiences that pushed you to become who you are today. You forever carry parts of yourself, and like puzzle pieces, they help assemble you. One that is more mature, more knowledgeable, wiser, and has goals and dreams. Even though some might not necessarily benefit your character, they serve as checkpoints for one’s contentment. Personally, remembering the tag games my friends and I used to play or remembering the first time I hit a home run serves as a constant anchor that I can look back upon and smile. Understanding life isn’t all about the contributions to society, but more so about being human and the things you hold onto.
This is why the traditional mentality behind “growing up” is so detrimental; they fail to develop, carry, and cherish the past they once had. Without a constant anchor of happiness and the lessons taught to them from their past, they feel voided and thus, burn out like a match in the rain. This can lead to constant self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence when they feel incompetent.
Therefore, reality is, growing up isn’t about “letting go,” rather, “holding on” to the things most important to us. That, although missed, should be smiled upon, knowing that no matter how pointless, stupid or distant they are, they’re always there for you, the friend that was always there for you, your parents that pushed you on a pedestal higher than what they could ever reach, the memory that made you fall in love with your passions and created your goals. Growing up isn’t about getting old, but rather getting stronger.
Next time you’re struggling with an assignment, responsibility, or when life just knocks you on the ground. Stand up.
Do it for you, future yourself, made up of who you are right now. And do it for your past self, who put every smile, every laugh, and every memory into who you are right now.